No Clue

    It's been almost two weeks since I came back. And it has been two years since I last came back things sure have changed. The friends I grew up with next door are all getting old. Darren from 4th floor is already 28 and is going to get married with his girlfriend, Joey from 5th floor just graduated from some collge in New York and wants to do masters now. Another friend who is 27 just got married. I came back to escape from my own life drama but find that very hard.
    I don't know if God is torturing me but I've been having dreams of her every single day ever since I came back and I mean every single day. I guess the harder I try to forget about her the worse it gets. Today I feel the worst than any other day, a friend saw my sad status and messaged me saying, "you need to move on man, she has already, she's already talking about her future bf and husband, why are you still lingering on?"
    I didn't know how to answer this question, so I logged off and thought all night. I saw something recently on TV, it's about an interview of a old couple who are in their 70s, when asked the old lady told the interviewer, "to love a person you must also love their shortcomings." Easier said than done, to fall in love with someone's shortcomings is extremely hard because deep inside why all hope our significant other act in the way that we want. For me, I know I wanted to. Towards the end of the school year, we argued, and argued now that I think back I don't even remember what about, but I just know I was not happy at all. To take my anger out I smoked and drank and hid all this from her. I tried explaining to her before she left for good, that I did not have any relationship with the girl but she would not believe me. I took her out and all I talked about was my gf, I told her and vented to her many problems and she listened, I guess I was happy that someone could finally listen and understand me. But never did I like her nor did I want to have a relationship with her.
    So why? Why can't I move on? The sun is already up and I still didn't sleep. Then I realized, I am not going to let this misunderstanding and and stupid mistake ruin everything, but I just did not want to give up. But the problem is she has moved on. I haven't gone out for days, searching for an answer, and even wrote to her even though I shouldn't. Do I regret? Yes. I regret to let this stupidity to ended things so suddenly. But what should I do? I have no clue, no clue at all. I just know that no matter what I will love her, I've done many wrongs in the past and to let her be happy while I'm miserable is something I must endure. It is the last thing I can do and the best.